Glory to God in the Highest. :)

**sad about the pic. its so smaaaaaaaaaall. :(

anyway, im probably the biggest bragger ever but i just had to tell you about this: IM A COLLEGE SCHOLAR! woah! im a college scholar! i mean, imagine that!? i seriously did not expect this to happen, but, GOD IS SOOOOOO GOOD i have to WORSHIP HIM! haha. i really do. this is awesome! :)

so yeah, i just pretty much had to say that. happy holidays. no more dreading about bad grades. haha. :)

Rant about People who always Let you down.

First things first. People will let you down only because you let them.

So I'm pretty messed up right now, cause lately all i've been hearing are EXCUSES.

start of rant**: i have this friend who says she cant come to my debut cause she has this retreat to attend to, and she's not yet sure of the date. honsetly, this is the nth time she's told me that she'd be busy on the day i invite her. she always has something to do, whether it's taking an exam, or urgently needing to be with her family, or doing grocery, or going to church, or being at a family outing, really, how many more tricks will you pull out of the bag cause i sure wanna know when you're finally gonna run out. and then, there's this other friend, who pretends that nothing is much of a deal cause whenever i accuse him of purposely not coming toany of my invitations all he replies is well, he never said he would come for sure.. i mean, why even say that you'll try to come if the truth is you really won't? it's like, when someone comes to an addition and the judges know that you won't get accepted, all they say is, thanks for coming, we'll call you if you got in. it's pretty much like that, except that i'm the one who gets rejected and still my judge sees it as nothing personal. really, like it was my fault or something.

And then there are some, who totally do not have anything to do with you, but they still bring you down.. Like there's this one guy in school, who I have an absolute major crush on, whom I still call by the codename (yes i know, this is soooo high school. well, whatever) comsci friend, and though i'm pretty sure he'd know by now, he still makes me feel bad. like when i found out he had a girlfriend already. that day pretty much sucked for me. and then now i'm being told that he was seen holding hands with a GUY some night ago. ugh, talk about being hurt twice, only the latter was worse cause then i realized how tough my competition is out there. still there's this other guy, whom i relatively know of, who used to text me and stuff, and now he doesn't even recognize me in school. and it just makes me feel sad, you know?hahaha. im laughing out loud now, cause really, how pathetic can i be!?

there are still those, who, you thought you would really get along with, but in the end you realize that you weren't really meant to be friends, or that you weren't meant to be.. erm.. in the same turf together. honestly, i don't know what went wrong or what got in the way of pure communication and understanding, but everything went bleak and dull and lifeless from there. i hate coming home to a place that empty, to think that it was once a happy, carefree and bright sunshiney home, and now there's nothing in there but stifled memories of once a nice, warm and open friendship. **end of rant.

no, this isn't any of my mood swings. my mood swings are more about not being served the right food or having a bad hair day or gaining on some pounds, so don't go around and tell me that i'm a big complainer and all that cause really, i just needed to let this all out. before someone else would carry the burden for me. although i think anyone would dismiss it too. haha. it's just that im sick and tired of people always backing out on me, like im carrying some epidemic or something. AND ALWAYS BACKING OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT. oh yeah, i just finished ranting a while ago. why am i starting again? haha. oh well, guess thats how its always gonna be. the world will forever be full of diappointments. and failures. and downssssss. but why hold on to that? when you know youre meant to live for something better, greater? :D

how i made myself swear.

The debut is 13 days away. Like, it's so near I should be freakin out now. But, I choose not to, cause really, I'm too pooped to even be excited about it. Sigh.

My parents are giving me a hard time, since I'm the one they put in charge of planning and organizing and doing everything. I'm always up for a challenge, and I thought this would be like, such an easy thing for me since one, it's a party, and two, it's MY PARTY. i can do whatever i want, without restrictions or limitations, because i know what i want and i can get exactly what i like. the truth is, it's the total opposite. I can;t have all that i want, because everything's so expensive nowadays. And i know my parents are totally disappointed in me, and maybe they even regret having me plan or even celebrate my debut, considering it's like, already two months late. Sigh.

Debutantes nowadays ask for cars, money or an out-of-town trip instead of a chessy little debut party. Well call me a sucker, but I've always wanted to have a debut, ever since hmm.. fifth grade? Yeah, I remember me and my other friends were already planning our debuts at age 10, or even younger. And we were like, hey, when we turn 18 and stuff, you have to be at my debut, you can't miss it for the world. And so eversince i've always seen my debut as one of the grandest parties ill ever have, well.. aside from my wedding that is. haha.

so maybe i won't have my grand debut. even if i forced myself into having it. you can't fight with money, you always have to go along with it. i know it's sad, but the truth is, money controls EVERY single step in this whole debut thing. i sure didn't know about money matters back then when i was dreaming about this. sorry about all the ranting but, seriously, since when has money ever dictated EVERRRRRRYTHING?! it's so annoying, and i don't hate my parents at all for not wanting to give me the grandest party ever, but still, all the talk about us not having enough money to fend for a pretty venue or us not having enough money to buy a really gorgeous cake, or us not having enough money to invite all my friends and guests who i want to spend this special night with, i mean, MONEY MAKES ME SICK.

i'll never know how to handle that, nor will i ever get past the idea of making it. i know it's totally inevitable and i can't do anything about and so from this moment on, i mean, from the moment this whole debut is over, i shall make an oath to myself: are you ready for this? hahaha. well, i still am not sure if i can keep it and this is like so much of an impromptu thing to do, especially that im announcing it online, but. but. well i promise that i will never, ever, ever! come close to spending money on anything except food, load, my internet connection, the electric, water and lodging bills, transportation, and school essentials. THERE. there. i just made an oath to myself. no more shopping for me. :) because, money, money just sucks out the fun in everything. pfft. 

PHOTO SHOTS. :)

guess im pretty self-absorbed after all..

i'm celebrating my debut in less than two weeks and as much as i'm not expecting too much, things well.. they turn out to be less than satisfactory. so.. everything got way out of hand and since im planning them i have to aim for perfection. already. :) now i'm in the process of creating invites and my good ol' college friends are at it, like, miracle-makers! i'll post the pics in my next blog.. for the meantime, here are some of the shots taken at the photo shoot :)

theyre kinda creepy though. theres more.

the last is my favorite pic. :) and to think i was really, really tired from posing and smiling. haha.

MISS-adventure

Everyone learns from their mistakes. Well.. almost everyone. That would exclude myself. I kind of, committed the same mistake again. :)) I got lost, again. Haha. Here's how it happened.

So I woke up really early today, like 8am (yes, that's early since it's summer and I should be sleeping in today.. haha) to pick up my tita and beloved adings at the airport. (hello tita dhorie, kingking and CASSabby!) haha. aww i miss them already. Anyway, I needed to get some papers required for dent proper so I hurried to the airport. Now today was a really strange day cause I wasn't confident enough to know how to get to the airport wisely, so I took a cab. Man, I loved that cab and the driver.. He was tuned into a Christian radio station and the ride was so peaceful.. and he even offered me chewing gum that he just bought from the sidewalk vendors.. Haha!

However, he wasn't so kind enough as to ask me where we were going, (or that was my fault) and so we kept going straight and straight until we reached SM Sucat.. and I was like, woah Kuya! nasan na tayo? And he was all shocked, and asked me, miss san po ba kayo ppunta? sa NAIA o dun lang sa area na yun? I stared and said, sa airport po mismo. Then, he was panicking and shaking his head and kept stuttering that I should have been more cautious, that we already passed by it a while ago and that I should have told him earlier.. And it was so funny cause that kind of reminded me of my dad in a way... But still, the fact that I was totally calm and Manong Driver was so tense.. that made me smile the whole trip going to the airport. :)

So there, when I reached the airport, I waited, and waited, and waited for the Ogtips + Barairo to arrive. I knew I had waited an hour and thirty minutes before I saw them.. However the waiting wasn't that bad cause there was this HOTTTTTT crushworthy guy standing right next to me who was also waiting for someone.. I'm guessing he's about my age (or even younger) whose dad and grandma looked Chinese. Well, he did have that Chinese thing going on for him too but it was sexy, and not cute. :) LOL. He even had two ballers on his wrist, one was blue and the other was white.. hmmm.. Ateneo? He definitely looked that part. Haha. I kept eavesdropping to his and his dad's conversations and found out they were picking up their mom.. and it was a pretty easy thing to do since he didnt mind me looking over my shoulder all the tim.. Haha. He was pretty cool about it, like maybe he's already to girls who do that when he's around. :)) Erm. Why am i chatting about a boy again? Haha.

Anyway, when Tita and the kids (my lovely lovely lady kids) came, well. the usual routine happened, I came over to them, kiss here, hug there, bless, commented on my daughter cass-abby's hair (oh she's gonna love me for this, haha).. then I saw Jedrick and Sir Salem. Pfft! This is the second time that I've seen SIR SALEM at THE AIRPORT ON THE SAME DAY MY PEOPLE ARRIVES. Ano ba, I'm done with high school and I sure am through with Sir Salem's torturing my batch. LOL! But what can I do, coincidences happen, fate interferes. Haha.  

Parting time came. Tita offered to drop me by the nearest stop to my place and so I gave in.. However the man driving the car was  not that willing enough to drop me straight to Taft Avenue, instead I got down at the Magallanes MRT Station. I was pretty confident I knew how to get home since I've taken the trains like, a hundred times before. :) I thanked everyone inside the car and.. I even got shawarmas! OMG! That made me so happy. Hahaha. Can't wait to sink my teeth into them already. :)) And so, another adventure began. I took the stairs that would lead me to the ticket station and to my huge surprise, the station was closed. Only the did I realize that MRT and LRT stations would be closed from the 9th to the 12th because of Holy Week. Argh laeng how forgetful can you be! And to think that I've watched the news and heard the reporters say that so many times on TV. Panic panic panic. Here I was in the stairs thinking how I could get home. Man, I did know it was Magallanes but I didn't have even the slightest idea how I would get home from there..!

I crossed to the other side of the road because that's what the man at the bus going to Fairview told me when I asked him. Hahaha. He said, ride the Pasay buses on the other side, and gullible old me I did follow his instructions. Stubidstubidstubid. I shouldn't have. When I got there, there weren't any buses going to Pasay. They were all going to places where I've never been, seen or even heard. Man, I was on the verge of hyperventilating due to the panic-stricken heat when I saw an Alabang bus. I impulsively raised my hand to stop it and got on, never minding how far I would have to travel just to get to Taft Avenue. At least I knew where Alabang was, and I knew how to get hime from Alabang. Hahaha! The light has been shone. I am now going home safely! :))

Thankfully my guess and strategy worked. Though I paid almost triple of what I should have paid from here to the airport and back, it was worth the adventure, or not. Lesson learned? Know the places you go to beforehand, know how to get there and back. And never, ever, neglect the news announcements. :(

That's it for today folks, another one of my failes escapades. Haha. Btw, about that Chinese hottie I saw at the airport.. I think his name was Joshua. Hahaha. Or just Josh.. I really don't know. Man, of all the names! why'd it have to be just the same name of another Chinese friend I have? Who, when coincidences get freaky, has texted and bidded me goodnight last night. **share. :) 

Feelings are usually Distorted, or Two-Faced.

Current mood: Sooo annoyed for no particular reason it's driving me crazy!

Yes, I don't knowwhy, but everytime I see this person online and he/she (wont say if boy or girl) talks to me, I get so pissed off. I mean, all he-she does is say hello and ask how i do but still, I wanna sign out quick so that I can get rid of him-her. Sigh. I have no idea why, it wasnt like this before. I used to like, even love this person so much! But now, I don't hate him-her, I just, get freakin annoyed. Like when a little girl is offered vegetables. She knows vegetables are good for her, but still she refuses to take them even when if they haven't done anything wrong. Poor veggies. Haha. So much for the comparison. :))

Anyway, I keep thinking of reasons why I could dislike a person this much. If he-she hasn't done anything wrong, then I'm pretty sure I'm the one who has a problem. He-she is actually awfully nice to me, that could be one. But he-she has always been like that, even when I loved his-her company. Two, maybe I've committed something wrong against this person.. But all I can think of is that I've had a change of heart for him-her. A sudden dislike, a sudden whiff of unpleasant odor, a sudden rise in the body temperature, that's what I feel whenever he-she talks to me.

And yes, it does make me feel REALLY GUILTY. :( Times have changed. And I'm afraid that by the next round of the clock times will change again and things will go the other way round. That would totally suck. I need to know the reason for this before it completely changes how I see him-her and how I feel towards this person. *shiver*

Will never ever underestimate my God.

Now that I just found out I MIRACULOUSLY passed Organic Chemistry (and wasn't required to take Removals either..whoo!), I can say that it's not a totally difficult or deadly subject after all. Haha! :)) Miracles do happen when you believe. Thank You Lord.

I couldn't ask for anything more! I mean.. well.. erm. I honestly think I CAN ask for some more. LOL! It isn't wrong to expect good even great things from God, is it? I believe that I'm in for more grrrrrrrreat surprises from Him. :) Some of them He's already given me in a run of only five days!

1. Started my summer break with a trip to Zambales. :)

2. Went a-beaching. (And got sooooooo friggin dark cause of it.)

3. Got to do one of my dreams. SURFING!!!

4. Realized how beautiful I really am, despite my skin color.. Haha! VANITY.

5. Saw one of my old friends again. Yeay! Si Jan, for vacation. :)

6. Spent only 40 php for the best out-of-town trip ever! :))

However, I haven't completed my application form for dent proper and I still haven't bought a shifting form. LOL! I still haven't made up my mind on that one. It's actually taking quite a long time, but, I can wait. :)

I am ridiculed to death about my dark skin complexion. Haha! Like I care. (actually I do) Still, I can't wait to go out and do stuff again. Haha! 

Till then, Im sooooooo gonna make the most out of my summer vacay! Wala nang summer! (Sana sana. :]) Woohoo! :D

Love Like No Other.

Even after all this time, the Sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."

Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky. -Hafiz

Summer! Hasn't Started. :))

Hello to my fellow tortured students of the only school along Taft Avenue who still hasn't started the summer vacation! That's us, for sure. The University of the Philippines Manila never fails to amuse its students with its inconsiderate tempestuous way of elongating the semester, making its students thirst and starve from summer fun. :)

I took my final exam in Organic Chemistry today. Sad to say but I didn't make it to the cut-offs. However, there's still hope! I can still take the removals. Haha! The removals are on the 14th though, like, two weeks after. Yes, it will give me so much more time to study and prepare for it, but, it still doesn't erase the fact that I could have been enjoying summer vacation so carefree right now if I didn't have to take it in the first place. Woe to lazy old bum me. I should have learned my lessons a long long looooooooooong time ago. :))

Anyway, I choose not to despair and see the bright side of things. Though removals would only mean two things-make or break-, it still doesn't mean it's the end of all my hopes and joys. Neither would it mean the end of all my hardships, I know I still have a lot to go through and the honesty of it all is that this is just the beginning!

Also. The thought of shifting came up again. I so thought Dentistry was the course for me. But now, I'm having second thoughts again. As to where to shift, that I still have a problem with. But still, maaaaaaan! If I was satisfied with Dentistry already, I shouldn't be itching to shift right now. At least now I know I don't really like Dentistry, but.. you never know. I may learn to love it. Still, my conscience won't give me a break unless I shift to another course. Sooo.. I am totally clueless right now. Torn between two courses, the competing rival is Speech Pathology. Woaah! I know, it's a pretty difficult course to get into, but it's the only course soooo close to my preferences and interests at UPM. Sigh. Application for Dent Proper is already on the 13th. So, I have to make up my mind real soon.

God and I are going to have a loooooooong talk tonight. :)

oh. and here's the artwork i presented for my HUM2 finals. lol! so im not that talented. haha! i'll post the explanation of the artwork sometime soon. :) **share.

When He Calls.

God has this funny way of sewing bits and pieces of my cluttered and disorganized life into a beautiful blanket of goodness and sunshine.

Honestly, He's been doing so much spring cleaning in my heart and conscience lately. Unfortunately the boarder (that's me) who's renting and living in His own home is stubborn, obstinate and too preoccupied with her worthless attainables and goals. Still, the Master hasn't given up on me yet. He loves his servant so much He'd do anything just for me to continue serving Him and His household. And that's basically what this post is about. :)

My best friend invited me to the church she's recently been a member of, the Church of God in Dasmarinas. It's actually a huuuge church, not as enormous as the wooooah!-like churches of Metro Manila and Quezon City but still, huge with lots and lots of attendees and members. :) I was actually even hesitant to come, since I had an exam the next day and I just knew I hadn't studied so well for that exam. Still, my best friend insisted I come, saying church is the only place I should be in that time.

We arrived to COG slightly later than expected, praise gospel songs  and a multitude of singing voices were already blaring from inside the auditorium. We were ushered to our seats by a warm lady usher. The moment we walked on the aisle and I caught sight of the children up on that stage dancing along to the music my face lit up and a wide smile spread across my entire face. I couldn't concentrate on singing anymore. My eyes were fixed on the dancers. A few moments later, tears already welled up in my eyes, and I coulnd't do anything but cry. Lord, they're so happy. I used to be like one of them, honoring and glorifying you through dance. I used to be up on that stage too, dancing and praising You without any other care in the world.

I knew He was watching, looking over me and laughing at his foolish daughter, who was now crying like a baby. He won, He knew He won, He knew every reason for my tears, and He was pleased with what He's done to me. This is my desire, yes, to dance for You, to be a vessel of Your grace, prowess and unconditional love. He's shown me exactly what I've been wanting to do for the past year, what I've been missing for the past year, and what I will continue missing if I don't get back on track. Right now.

He just answered my simple prayer this year: to know the desires of my heart. Ugh. I've messed up a whole lot. And I'm sorry. I love Him. I keep toying and messing around but He still manages to outdo me and win me over. What else can I do but surrender to His will? And so, I am going back to the ministry. I am so going back to serving and glorifying Him alone.

*And the Master forgave His servant, for the seventy times seventh time.*