First things first. People will let you down only because you let them.
So I'm pretty messed up right now, cause lately all i've been hearing are EXCUSES.
start of rant**: i have this friend who says she cant come to my debut cause she has this retreat to attend to, and she's not yet sure of the date. honsetly, this is the nth time she's told me that she'd be busy on the day i invite her. she always has something to do, whether it's taking an exam, or urgently needing to be with her family, or doing grocery, or going to church, or being at a family outing, really, how many more tricks will you pull out of the bag cause i sure wanna know when you're finally gonna run out. and then, there's this other friend, who pretends that nothing is much of a deal cause whenever i accuse him of purposely not coming toany of my invitations all he replies is well, he never said he would come for sure.. i mean, why even say that you'll try to come if the truth is you really won't? it's like, when someone comes to an addition and the judges know that you won't get accepted, all they say is, thanks for coming, we'll call you if you got in. it's pretty much like that, except that i'm the one who gets rejected and still my judge sees it as nothing personal. really, like it was my fault or something.
And then there are some, who totally do not have anything to do with you, but they still bring you down.. Like there's this one guy in school, who I have an absolute major crush on, whom I still call by the codename (yes i know, this is soooo high school. well, whatever) comsci friend, and though i'm pretty sure he'd know by now, he still makes me feel bad. like when i found out he had a girlfriend already. that day pretty much sucked for me. and then now i'm being told that he was seen holding hands with a GUY some night ago. ugh, talk about being hurt twice, only the latter was worse cause then i realized how tough my competition is out there. still there's this other guy, whom i relatively know of, who used to text me and stuff, and now he doesn't even recognize me in school. and it just makes me feel sad, you know?hahaha. im laughing out loud now, cause really, how pathetic can i be!?
there are still those, who, you thought you would really get along with, but in the end you realize that you weren't really meant to be friends, or that you weren't meant to be.. erm.. in the same turf together. honestly, i don't know what went wrong or what got in the way of pure communication and understanding, but everything went bleak and dull and lifeless from there. i hate coming home to a place that empty, to think that it was once a happy, carefree and bright sunshiney home, and now there's nothing in there but stifled memories of once a nice, warm and open friendship. **end of rant.
no, this isn't any of my mood swings. my mood swings are more about not being served the right food or having a bad hair day or gaining on some pounds, so don't go around and tell me that i'm a big complainer and all that cause really, i just needed to let this all out. before someone else would carry the burden for me. although i think anyone would dismiss it too. haha. it's just that im sick and tired of people always backing out on me, like im carrying some epidemic or something. AND ALWAYS BACKING OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT. oh yeah, i just finished ranting a while ago. why am i starting again? haha. oh well, guess thats how its always gonna be. the world will forever be full of diappointments. and failures. and downssssss. but why hold on to that? when you know youre meant to live for something better, greater? :D
No comments:
Post a Comment