how i made myself swear.

The debut is 13 days away. Like, it's so near I should be freakin out now. But, I choose not to, cause really, I'm too pooped to even be excited about it. Sigh.

My parents are giving me a hard time, since I'm the one they put in charge of planning and organizing and doing everything. I'm always up for a challenge, and I thought this would be like, such an easy thing for me since one, it's a party, and two, it's MY PARTY. i can do whatever i want, without restrictions or limitations, because i know what i want and i can get exactly what i like. the truth is, it's the total opposite. I can;t have all that i want, because everything's so expensive nowadays. And i know my parents are totally disappointed in me, and maybe they even regret having me plan or even celebrate my debut, considering it's like, already two months late. Sigh.

Debutantes nowadays ask for cars, money or an out-of-town trip instead of a chessy little debut party. Well call me a sucker, but I've always wanted to have a debut, ever since hmm.. fifth grade? Yeah, I remember me and my other friends were already planning our debuts at age 10, or even younger. And we were like, hey, when we turn 18 and stuff, you have to be at my debut, you can't miss it for the world. And so eversince i've always seen my debut as one of the grandest parties ill ever have, well.. aside from my wedding that is. haha.

so maybe i won't have my grand debut. even if i forced myself into having it. you can't fight with money, you always have to go along with it. i know it's sad, but the truth is, money controls EVERY single step in this whole debut thing. i sure didn't know about money matters back then when i was dreaming about this. sorry about all the ranting but, seriously, since when has money ever dictated EVERRRRRRYTHING?! it's so annoying, and i don't hate my parents at all for not wanting to give me the grandest party ever, but still, all the talk about us not having enough money to fend for a pretty venue or us not having enough money to buy a really gorgeous cake, or us not having enough money to invite all my friends and guests who i want to spend this special night with, i mean, MONEY MAKES ME SICK.

i'll never know how to handle that, nor will i ever get past the idea of making it. i know it's totally inevitable and i can't do anything about and so from this moment on, i mean, from the moment this whole debut is over, i shall make an oath to myself: are you ready for this? hahaha. well, i still am not sure if i can keep it and this is like so much of an impromptu thing to do, especially that im announcing it online, but. but. well i promise that i will never, ever, ever! come close to spending money on anything except food, load, my internet connection, the electric, water and lodging bills, transportation, and school essentials. THERE. there. i just made an oath to myself. no more shopping for me. :) because, money, money just sucks out the fun in everything. pfft.